Chaye! Thanks so much for being a part of my new series! So, you grew up in country Tamworth, can you tell us a little bit about your childhood, where you grew up and what that was like?

I was born in a town called Quirindi, near Tamworth in North Western NSW, and grew up on an industrial-sized cropping farm for the first seven years. In 1999 my family (Mum, Dad, Older-Sister) moved to Bowral in the Southern Highlands, near Sydney, where I attended an all-boys private school called Tudor House. There I struggled socially, always trying too hard to fit in with the other boys. Pursuing a career in cricket was my outlet until aged sixteen when I stopped due to a broken femur. At thirteen, I attended the boarding school, The King's School and became even more determined to prove myself to others as a strong, and intelligent leader. I graduated in 2011 and moved onto studying corporate finance and accounting at Sydney University. This was my facade in life which hid others and myself from my underlying insecurity and shame around my gender identity, which reared its head continuously from the age of three in various forms. 

Over 2 years ago you opened up to yourself and your community about the real authentic version of you - a woman of transgender experience. How has that journey been?

It has been a journey of pain, loss, and personal fulfilment. I have come to discover who I genuinely am in ways that I didn't think were possible. I wouldn't change anything about it. 

Was there a moment in your journey (if you had one) about coming to terms with who you were and what was it? Or was it a transition over a period of time?

On New Year Days 2018, I accepted that I needed to do something about my desires to express my feminine self, and needed to inform my then fiancé Sabrina. Across the next month, I explored where I sat on the gender-identity spectrum, and by February recognised that I was Transgender and personally obligated to talk to a professional about it. From there, I embarked on the physical process of transforming my body from male to female and identified myself as a transgender-woman socially, at work, and in public. 

As a woman of transgender experience how will you approach future relationships and what do you look forward to or fear the most?

I am open and honest about every aspect of who I am, especially when it comes to dating men. I feel no need to hide my truth from them, as in the end, it doesn't serve me to hide the truth. I look forward to being around people, colleagues, and partners who see, recognise and respect me for who I am. In my situation honesty is the only policy. I've lied to myself and others for long enough. 

How can friends and family support someone going through the same experience and transition that you’ve been going through?

The best support that anyone in a similar situation can receive is honesty. It's not fair for our community to expect everyone in the transitioning persons' life to be open to the changes. Emotions take time to be processed. However, being truthful about how you feel towards the person transitioning is all we can ask. From there, a dialogue can begin. If you are struggling to accept, please don't interfere with the process. Be open-minded, honest, and allow the person transitioning to do what they need, to feel secure in their identity, and support that if you can. If you can't tolerate them, please graciously remove yourself from the situation for the time being, and be open to that changing in the future. 

How do you feel society perceives/reacts to people in the transgender community?

It's a mixed bag. I can only speak from my experience, which has been nothing short of pleasant and empowering. I feel society treats us all the way we treat ourselves. If we are embarrassed, ashamed, or uncomfortable in our skin, then others will reflect that. I feel we also need as a community to acknowledge that our transition-related changes are shocking to people and not understood by everyone, and that's ok. We can only transform at the rate we're comfortable with, and for me, that meant respecting the boundaries of others. I learnt that by going-slow in how I presented myself as a woman, people were less intimidated by my presence, which allowed me to share my story honestly with them, fostering a shared deeper understanding of my situation. 

Do you mind sharing some of the unpleasant experiences you have endured?

I’ve been incredibly fortunate to not have undergone any traditional unpleasant experiences that many gender diverse people go through. I haven’t been subject to abuse, discrimination, job loss or anything like that. My struggles have been more personal, like ending my former engagement with my partner, loosing past so-called friends, moving to a new state and city, enduring my parents divorce, and even seeing my sister go to jail. When I’ve experienced negative attitudes towards me it’s because I’ve put myself in a situation that I didn’t need to, often looking for superficial validation from the opposite sex about my femininity. I’ve received my share of sexually derogatory comments from people on social media, but so does everyone, especially women of all backgrounds. I’ve learnt to avoid these petty arguments and opinions, to not get involved or fan the flames, and instead focus on the positives of my Life-changing transition.

What would you share with other people in the transgender community going through a similar experience to yours?

Firstly congratulations on listening to your body. Continue to do so; trust your decision-making authority, and watch where your life leads. You've already taken the most challenging step. 

The transition period involving all your operations and hormones can be quite comprehensive - do you mind sharing how you felt going into these and what’s been involved?

The first step was seeing a GP who referred me to a psychiatrist, who diagnosed me with Gender Dysphoria. From there, I was able to begin Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT), which involved taking estrogen in the form of transdermal patches and testosterone-blocking pills. By changing my hormonal balance, my body and brain began to transform. My muscle density decreased, I started forming hips and breasts, my face shaped softened, and overall my body began to take on a more feminine shape. My sense of self-started to improve as I felt congruent with who I always knew I was. My world seemed brighter, and my emotions deeper.

Twelve months after starting HRT, I had my gender reassignment surgery in Canberra. This procedure converted my male sexual anatomy, into female anatomy, including a functioning vulva, and vagina. A couple of months later, I had voice feminisation surgery which raised the bass pitch of my voice and partially shaved the size of my Adam's apple. Each significant milestone in my journey has been like completing a level in a video game. I've worked up to each moment gradually, filled with anticipation, nervousness, and excitement as I've gotten closer. When I've completed the level, euphoria takes over, but also an anxious readiness waiting for the next level to unfold. 

So… you’ve nearly finished writing a book- congratulations!!! Do you mind telling us a little bit about it and what inspired you to write it?

It's called Chaye Unfolding; Empowering My Transition From Male To Female, and documents my life's journey to this point. It explores the experiences that led me to accept my gender dysphoria in 2018, plus the actions I took to undergo my transition and embark on my new life. It covers topics including my struggles with intimate and family relationships, my pursuit of a fashion modelling career, evolving spiritual journey, and failed entrepreneurial pursuits. It is a story about my search for identity, belonging, and personal fulfilment. I began writing it out of a request from my manager Jenni, who suggested that now is the time to communicate my story with the world. With her encouragement and recognition, I sat down one day and started to write. 

What has been the biggest challenge as a woman of transgender experience?

The most challenging and rewarding aspect of transitioning by far is discovering that who I thought I was for the last twenty-five years was a total lie, and as a result, now getting to watch my new and authentic identity emerge. 

We recently had the pleasure of shooting together here in the studio at Newstead Studios. You’ve been wanting to break into the modelling industry - what’s your biggest goal here and what do you hope for?

My biggest goal is still unknown to me as my transition has taught me that I'm best to take things as they come day by day. My main focus this year is publishing Chaye Unfolding, studying nutrition, and being open to the modelling opportunities that came my way. The invitations I continue to receive will shape the course of my career and role within the industry. Who I become in another fifteen years time is anyone's guess. I will continue to learn about what interests me, and share my wisdom with others. I'm only at the start of discovering who I am both as a woman and as an agent for change. 

You can find more about Chaye and her upcoming book at www.chayehartwell.com or alternatively on instagram @chayehartwell

Thanks for visiting and joining the new OFF LIMITS journey!

G x